Seattle has a great new way to draw tourists: our new assisted-suicide law.
The Washington State Tourism Council has launched a new campaign under the slogan 'êSEE MOUNT RAINIER AND DIE.'ê As one of only two states with an assisted-suicide law, the Evergreen State hopes to cash in on the growing business of death tourism.
'êThis is the next trillion dollar industry,'ê Gov. Chris Gregoire asserted. 'êAnd we are perfectly positioned. Washington State is a great place to Check Out.'ê Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn believes Seattle will replace Amsterdam as the Last Roundup capital of the world. 'êSeattle is Taps City,'ê he stated. 'êHow can Amsterdam compete with a place where it rains ten months of the year?'ê
The Tourism Council will offer series of fun, exciting Grim Reaper Packages to fit every budget, psychological disorder, and terminal disease. 'êOur Alzheimer'ês Curtains Tour is an experience to remember the rest of your life,'ê Dusky Angel, the council'ês executive director proclaimed, 'êwhile our Spongiform Encephalopathy Gala is laugh-a-minute, toes-up happening.
The council expects the biggest seller will be its Bucket List Package. This comprises ten 'êworld class'ê adventures in Seattle prior to Going West:
- Take the elevator from the lobby of the Fourth and Madison Building (formerly the IDX Tower) all the way to the top (40th floor), and ride it back down.
- Attend a Neighborhood City Council hearing in Rainier Beach regarding extending the Monorail to Wallingford.
- Shop at Seattle'ês largest Value Village in the fashionable Crown Hills neighborhood.
- Watch a fourth-grade girls'ê soccer game in the rain.
- Attend a dinner party at which the persons on your left and right discuss interminably the girls'ê soccer game you witnessed that morning.
- Drive the northbound collector/distributor lanes of I-5 from the Dearborn entrance to the Madison Street exit.
- Climb First Hill for the breathtaking views of the Swedish Hospital Complex.
- Ride the Ducks, an amphibious, fun entertainment tour of Seattle ($2 additional charge for a Wacky Quacker noise maker).
- Donate blood at the Puget Sound Blood Center.
- Attend a recital of Danish-American songs at the Museum of Nordic Heritage.
'êWe also expect our Passed-On Patriots Package to be a big success,'ê Angel predicted. 'êDeath is patriotic. Taking a Rope helps solve Social Security and Medicare deficits.'ê
'êYou can choose among many forms of Packing It In,'ê Mayor McGinn added. 'êWe expect most to choose pills or lethal injections, but one can select suffocation, electrocution, drowning, inhalation of carbon monoxide, or rock climbing with Doug Walker. But we don'êt allow auto wrecks. In Seattle it is walk, bike, or ride to the Happy Hunting Grounds.'ê
'êFor those leaning towards Buying the Farm, but not fully committed, we will provide instruction in "Life Is Not worth Living'ê,'ê McGinn noted. 'êWe plan a summer weekend festival featuring hydroplane racing, overweight drunks impersonating pirates, torchlight parades, and taxpayer-subsidized deafening roars from strafing jets. Any rational person will conclude that Six Feet Under is better than Seafair.'ê